Mom's Tears

It is amazing to me that immediately after you have your own child you instantly fall in love with them.  It is almost as though the word LOVE takes on a whole new meaning.  I think that it is one of those things that can't be explained you just have to experience it.  Being a first time mom you are always wanting to hold your baby and let them sleep on you because you just want to stare at them because it is like looking at a little miracle.  I would not ever say that I regret holding Austin as much as I did but am now having a hard time not holding him.  I am going to be going back to work in August and Austin is going to start going to daycare and he will not be able to be held all day.  We have started letting Austin take his naps in his crib so that he is used to not sleeping in someone's arms.  It has been a hard adjustment for a couple reasons.  One being that I can't hold him while he sleeps anymore when I really just want to hold him all the time and the second being that he cries.  There is nothing more heartbreaking than hearing your baby cry.  I feel bad because I think to myself he would not cry if I held him as much as he did so I feel like it is my fault when I set him in his crib and he cries.  I have only cried a few times when Austin cries because it just pulls at your heart strings.  The thing that worries me or that makes me sad to think about is that when I go back to work he is going to be crying at daycare and I will not be there to pick him up and hold him and let him know that I love him.  I might have to be going to work with waterproof mascara or my students are going to think I was beat up on my drive to school.  David is going to be going with me on his first day of daycare because I know it is going to be a hard day for mom and hopefully not as hard for Austin.