A Roller-Coaster of Emotions

So today marked day three of dropping Austin off at daycare.  I had been preparing myself (I don't think you are ever really prepared) for almost a month.  I was probably in denial really up until we got to the final week countdown.  I had two practice days last week and Austin and I did pretty good.  Each day is getting a little better (I will never say that it is easy).  The only thing that gets me through each day is knowing that we are doing this so that we can have an even bigger family.  It was a roller coaster of emotions today because I was as well as can be expected dropping him off and then decided at my lunch break I would go visit him.  When I got there they said that he had just fallen asleep for one of his naps.  I was a proud mom because he looked so peaceful and content and wasn't crying (unlike the two times I visited him last week when he was).  I didn't wake him up because I didn't want to make him mad so I went back to work.  When I went to pick him up he immediately smiled at me and started to talk.  It was almost like he was so excited to tell me about his day which made me smile.  Driving home today though with Austin was tough because he started to fuss a little bit because his pacifier fell out so I reached back into the back sit to stick it back in his mouth (I have become a pro at doing that now and will probably one day need some type of surgery because of the angle I am bending my arm...but it will have been worth it to make my baby happy).  Anyways...after I put his pacifier back into his mouth he death gripped my hand.  I was thinking to myself that he was probably thinking "Don't ever let me go!"  It just made me start to cry because he was holding on so tight.  He even fell asleep with his arm in the air holding onto my finger.  He was not letting me let him go and I was not letting him go either.  I guess he must have played really hard at daycare because he was passed out when we got home and the car ride is maybe 7 minutes long from his school.  I miss not spending every minute of every day with him and it will definitely take time for me to adjust.  I am glad though that I am a teacher and will get to spend holidays and summers with him so I am blessed with that.